I'm writing this to share my thoughts about all of the celebrations and ceremonies that I had the opportunity to experience in a much happier context. Last week, I graduated with my Masters degree after two years of hard work, a bunch of crazy life issues, and all sorts of challenges that I've been able to overcome. When I made the list of who I would officially invite to graduation, my Nparents were nowhere on the list. I had no intention of extending an invite to them or my GC brother, especially since I've been NC for several years. Unless they heard it from FM family members within the last two years, they probably don't know that I was even pursuing this degree. Their numbers are also blocked so any attempts to try to call me for any information would be futile.
To say that I did all of this in spite of them would be giving them too much credit. This Masters degree is the first time in my life that I took my own academic journey on my own terms. For years I was forced to shape my educational path around their unnecessary restrictions, and even though I did well within those limitations, I never felt completely satisfied with any of my achievements. I lived most of my life never being able to live up to their unreasonable expectations, and when I finally (and completely) removed them from my life, I have never felt so much freer.
However, the weeks and days leading up to the ceremony were a bit nervewracking. I still felt restrained about celebrating my success. I had to be careful about posting any information about the graduation ceremonies on social media because of known FMs who have told my Nparents about things happening in my life that they had no right to know. I was afraid that they would actually show up and make a scene. Fortunately, my strategy worked and they didn't show up.
So, who did show up? The friends, classmates, and family members who had been a part of my academic journey whether it was to be someone to talk to when I felt frustrated, helped me with an assignment or project, or a person who inspired me to challenge myself further. These are the people who I was more than happy to celebrate these well-deserved moments with. It still felt awkward to me because I willfully decided to omit the individuals who would've been expected to show up by tradition. At the same time, it felt liberating because I was no longer under that unnecessary stress, guilt, and shame. In the several years since I went from LC to NC, their toxic influences in my life have reduced greatly. I am still working on my own personal issues, but I am healing from them and moving on in my own way.
I am grateful for the support that has helped me move forward from the effects of the actions of my Nparents. Many of the things that I've had to do in the journey to moving on to a better place in my life required a lot of inner strength and assistance from others who care. What matters is to seek the help you need and hang on to ones who love and support you. You got this.
No comments:
Post a Comment