When is time really ours?

Hello out there. I haven't disappeared, but I have been wandering.

It seems unusual to not make my first post of 2015 until the newness of February. It's been several years since I've missed an end-of-the-year post, let alone the start of a brand new year. However, I've learned that sometimes it is best to say nothing until the time is right than just something to fill up an empty space. I hope that in this train of thought that's been cobbled over the last couple weeks that I will make some sort of sense and that I am not doing what I was hoping to avoid.

So here I am combining multiple locations to finish these thoughts, whether I am sitting in a park in Mar Vista, Eleanor facing me in a random parking lot waiting for me to return, or in a familiar corner of Culver City where a pumpkin spice chai changed my way of thinking for the better several months ago. I attempt to say something meaningful between now and when I saddle up and deliver food to the masses. This whole motorcycle courier gig, my current major source of income, has been an unexpected circumstance I've found myself in but one I have been prepared for since the loss of my full-time job in April 2014. Every time I ride, I celebrate over 12 years of riding motorcycles through hell and high water, and based on where I have been on my solo trips, that is not far from the truth.

I will say, still being in a constant state of financial unpredictability can take some of the wind out of the sails of modern life's momentum. But then again, this last year has been one of survival and triumph. Instead of charging forward at all times, I've learned to step back a little to gain a different perspective of what I have earned in the place of the stereotypical daily routine that brings home a consistent paycheck: the gift of time.

In my own life over the passing of these last few months, it has been a mix of hellos, good-byes, be wells, and what the hells. Many of these stories I must keep in the silence of my own heart, but be assured that I have learned many a positive thing from them. Somewhere in the mix I was traversing that land somewhere on two wheels transporting whatever I could fit on Eleanor from point A to point B, trying to seek some sort of stability in my own monetary needs so I could then focus on my mental ones. It has been a delicate balance that I still see teetering from one side to another but I have been successful in making this all work. Some moments of time I am warned with another possible sudden life change but I am ready for it, if and when it decides to rear its head.

In the last month and a half, I've had to say goodbye to a loved one, a friend, and a mentor who exemplified the true appreciation of time, a person who never wanted to waste a single second of the gift that had been given to him. While his departure has caused a gashing rift in many parts of my world, I stand in front of what has fallen apart and honor his legacy by continuing to live my life in the best way that I can. I have learned that in this quest to live on, I can't please everyone and will probably pay a price for it. But I hold my head high and wish for the pain causing the falling-out to subside and be replaced with understanding, communication, and forgiveness.

But why such a conversation about time? Recently, I had a chapter in my not-so-distant past return to my line of sight. In its surprise and in its simple requests, it brought me to beg the question, "Can we claim a stake in time, even just for a few minutes...to allow nothing else to matter than what is in front of us right now?" In my moments of contemplation, I've found that it is possible to achieve that ability to 'freeze' time. In some cases it requires one to be a bit selfish. For a person like me, that can be difficult to do; I have a service-oriented mindset where others needs are put ahead of my own. It's just who I am.

Perhaps I need to remind myself even more that it is okay to want the greatest things for myself and not always be in a downright giving mode at every moment of my day. As I've discovered, when I can achieve those moments, they are amazing in so many ways.

So my new resolve is to own my time again at every possible moment that I can. There are many things I can't control right now and I am okay with that. I am a survivor and always have been, and ultimately, I am in control of my own happiness in between those ups and downs. It's doable, but man, do I need to muster up all the strength I still have. As I've learned during the lowest moments, I have more of that than I think I do. Now to put these thoughts into practice.

The 2013 SoCal Holiday Excursion Recap: Part 2

**This is a recap of my vacation back to Southern California from 12/28/13-1/9/14.**

It was nice to wake up to this morning view again. I had woken up to many mornings like this when life was a lot less complicated. It was 48°F the day I took this shot, and I was out in my shorts and flip-flops. For the normal Californian this would've called for Ugg boots at the minimum, but the Midwest life had hardened me enough to not bat an eye at the calm breeze nipping at my legs.

Today was a cruising day with me and my dear friend, Veronica, so it was a lot more on two wheels and a lot less with the camera. Somewhere in between all this, we had old ladies in minivans waving at us on Pacific Coast Highway and the men wondering what these two women, one on a cruiser and the other on a sportbike, were doing riding together. It was like old times when we'd just hop on our rides and travel the familiar roads of home, for no apparent reason than to appreciate the natural beauty that we had access to day in and day out.

I did get to watch the sunset from a familiar point in Redondo Beach and spend some time clearing my mind. Sometime around dusk, we even made young boy smile as we let him sit on our motorcycles while his parents snapped pictures. We even revved our engines high before we left the beach and that little boy was super excited over that. He even got to wear Veronica's helmet in the process! It's always fun to entertain the kids, and they get a kick out of knowing that I'm a girl on a bike.

This Triumph stays "in the family," and that's an order. Yeah, my personal cheerleader, I'm talking to you.

Another day comes to an end, and that the sunset continues to remind me that it's time to rest, reload and give life another go tomorrow.

The following day was New Year's Eve, and to bid farewell to the last day of a tumultuous 2013, I had an impromptu skating session at Toyota Sports Center. The sheet of ice that TSC had set aside for public session turned out to be where the roller hockey rink once stood. I had played there many years ago, and found some of the best teammates I've ever played for there. It was a bit strange to take those turns on what had once been a sport court surface. As a bonus, I had a couple old teammates stop on by and say hello as well. After a decade of playing in this building, it's a place that will always be a part of my life.

It's nice to see a Stanley Cup banner in the NHL rink nowadays.

Even the drinking fountains were water bottle friendly!

After skating, it was back up to the house for the annual New Year's Eve party. This was the first time in five years that I was able to enjoy this family tradition in California with the people who are important to me. By the time this day came around, I was so tired due to the jet lag that I had to duck out for an hour and take a nap during the party, but I was alive enough later on to welcome in 2014 with everyone else. Also, it had fulfilled a personal promise I had kept to myself for several years that, when it mattered, I was not going to be in Ohio on New Year's Eve. I have my family to thank for that as well.

So I'll rest here with the warmth of a fire and the skyline of Los Angeles in my midst. For the first part of 2014, I can start a part of my life over again and find that energy I need to push on toward a new goal.

2014: Marching on, one day at a time.

I bid farewell to a tumultuous 2013 in a familiar part of the country, a place where I needed to be after the sudden life changes during the last few months. I found myself floundering at times, but through those moments, I realized the true power of my own inner strengths. I found the friends and family who will stand up and support me during these emotional trials.

I know that I am not alone.

I resolve this year to not let anyone pull me down in the midst of their own weaknesses. I fight cowardice, cruelty, and immaturity with the knowledge that I am a person who deserves a much better life than what has been dealt to me.

I do not wish to rewrite history, as there are many wonderful, unforgettable moments amid the pain. As I heal from my wounds, I turn the calendar page and look forward to starting a new chapter in my own history, wherever that may be.

I'll see you next year, Ohio.

It was an unexpected gift from the people in my life who I can truly call my family: I'm leaving Ohio for the remainder of 2013.

Okay, so that's not a long time, but it is definitely enough time to be able to recollect my thoughts and try to start 2014 on a brighter note despite the weirdness and unexpected life changes that had haunted me through these occasionally somber holidays. With that being said, I'm heading back to my childhood home, and you can follow my travels via GPS by clicking the "Where Am I?" link at the top of this blog. If things go as planned, I will be riding a motorcycle all over my old stomping grounds of Southern California. You'll be able to follow my route and collect stats on my travels.

As I heard from someone out here, "May the best of 2013 be the worst of 2014." I hope that will be the case.

Stay tuned on Two-Wheeled Tourist for photos and reflections as I kick off a new (and hopefully much improved) year from a very familiar place.

First blog post of 2013. Resolving to KISS more often.

It was a nutty 2012 to say the least.

For the long-time readers on this blog, thank you for bearing with me during my slow online presence, especially during the second half of the year when it seemed like life was just moving a little too fast. With a new job mid-year along with relocation from Central to Northeast Ohio and other outside projects to boot, I thought I was going to tear my hair out at one point or another.

I hope to have more time to post more blog entries this year. I'm going to try a bit more of the simpler approach when it comes to blogging. I do post a lot of random stuff on Twitter (@2WheeledTourist) or my Facebook fan page (facebook.com/TwoWheeledTourist) so those are always buzzing. Traditionally, my posts on here are pretty elaborate and thought-out, which is probably why they've been so far and few in between as of late. Perhaps I'm thinking too hard. This blog has never been intended to be a work of art. But the writer in me likes to be a perfectionist. I will try to find a happy medium to make these entries more entertaining for myself again.

New year, new start, blah blah blah. If I had to think of some sort of "resolution" for this upcoming year it would be to just KISS. Keep it simple. Whether the last "S" in KISS means "silly," "stupid," or "s*hthead" is up to me.

Or I can just get into a skating pool noodle fight like my husband does during staff parties. Happy New Year, people.