A word or two before this semester is over...

This blog post is a bit different from what I usually do here on Two-Wheeled Tourist. This is a mind dump and completely unedited as I am studying for my last final of the Spring 2018 semester. Some of these thoughts may be fragmented, but perhaps I can share some insight amid my ramblings while I try to clear my head. Continue at your own risk.

Thought #1

One of my course readings for this class (and a featured part of this final exam) is a book named Leading with Soul (2nd Edition) by Lee Bolman and Terrence Deal. It's about the emotional, unteachable side of leadership as told in an allegory form about a worn-out, yet successful businessman who seeks the wisdom of a sage who identifies with his pitfalls because she has lived them herself. In many ways, the ideas in this book transcend leadership but also moving forward from the situations that make us feel like we've lost our way.

“The dark night of the soul comes just before revelation. When everything is lost, and all seems darkness, then comes the new life and all that is needed.” (p. 47)

Exactly four years ago today (not kidding), I began my motorcycle courier work in Westwood, delivering fresh donuts throughout the Westside. I continued to log in over 1500 deliveries of God-knows-what over a two year period, and that journey even led to one of the most extensive delivery jobs, I have ever done; dropping off healthcare correspondence in two counties in an eight hour period spanning over 250 miles. Aside from my long-distance Iron Butt runs, that was one of the most exhausting riding missions that I had ever subjected my body to endure. By the end of that run, I had consumed nearly a gallon of water via my Camelbak and had lost about five pounds. Pony Express got nothing on this bitch.

Why does that story come to mind? It was a dark time in my life. My marriage was ripped apart and the divorce was barely finalized. My mentor had passed away a few months prior, my job prospects were looking slim, several people who I thought were my friends walked out of my life, I had my motorcycle, and I had nothing else to lose. I drowned myself in work and thought that was okay because I had no other recourse but to simply survive. Four years later, I am not in the dark place that I was before. Sure, my job prospects have returned to a similar state (lucky me, right?), but what I need in my life has changed. It's not that I have nothing else to lose, it's that I have everything else to gain, and the ones who chose to leave will leave. No unnecessary tears will be shed for them.

“It is in passionate leaps of faith that we propel the human spirit forward." (p. 63)

One of the hardest practices that I have had to learn after two decades of being emotionally suppressed for my own survival is accepting that embracing my emotions is both difficult and necessary if I want to completely embrace myself. This has also required me to take a lot more chances in multiple arenas. So despite the sometimes straightforward approaches I take to my thinking, I have to deliberately stop myself to process what is not only going through my head but also what my heart tells me. This is weird, but it is liberating. I'm getting better at it every single day.

In response to Bob Marley's quote, "You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice," once you've figured out how strong you can be, find your way back to a place to where it is safe to be vulnerable again, no matter how long it takes.

Thought #2

My study guide is mine to do what I will, including writing directions specific to me.

Thought #3

This academic year can go shove it deep up the wrong hole. It has been a rough ride both at a professional and at a personal level.

In this 2017-2018 school year alone, I have seen the ins and outs of two school districts and all of the empty promises that come from the lack of recognition of the humanity that, in an ironic fashion, builds the foundations in which these systems exist. Because of this, I have temporarily suspended pursuing rejoining organizations that supposedly exist for the purpose of serving it. My own cynicism has caused me to shield my own heart until I am strong enough to throw myself to the wolves of service again.

I have seen the sputtering and the crashing of a relationship that should've died last summer when I had the ability to cut the cord and the knife was in my hands. But I gave that last chance and threw the life preserver instead of letting you drown, some futile attempt to allow the even remote possibility that there would be a turnaround. But alas, you did take that life preserver. And for just a little while, your life offered you to hope again and yet you still chose to float along at my expense. And then you chose to blame your failures on me because I couldn't carry you anymore. I cannot live for two people, and the only mercy you provided me was that you let yourself out, even if it was in the most cowardly of all fashions.

I have proven that I care. I am loyal until the end. I have also proven that sometimes, I can care too much and fight too hard to keep something that was tearing me apart rather than building me up. Never again. Nowadays, I remain guarded yet hopeful because I have nothing to lose now. Or rather, I am reminded that only the best people deserve me and that I am worthy of unconditional love.

I will not drag you to the finish line. I will not tell you how to get there because it is not my right. Here's what I will do. I will reach for your hand and hold it. I will watch you fall and laugh with you, not at you. I will be there with that jug of water when your body has reached the point of failure. I will have faith in your life journey and cheer on your progress. I will support you in any way I can as you rebuild your mind and soul. But at the same time, I am on a similar journey of rebuilding my own mind and soul and can only hope that you can continue to be there despite my wounds, even if it is just your presence and the gift of your time. And all the while, I will keep reminding myself that I deserve to let my guard down and trust that I will be safe.

Thought #4

Goddammit, I am a nervous wreck sometimes. Am I doing life right? Have I reached the threshold that this question no longer carries any weight?

Tales on the Courier Shift: Closing of a Chapter

By the middle of January 2015, the initial rush of courier deliveries that I had with Postmates was past its peak and was on a sharp decline. The holidays were hard, not just because I lost three weeks worth of work due to a sudden death in the family, but also because delivery assignments were far and in between.

In addition, I was transitioning work to a new delivery service, and I will have to say, there were quite a few rough spots during the early shifts that tested my mental fortitude. By the way, I am forever boycotting Poulet Du Jour in Hermosa Beach (233 Pacific Coast Hwy, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254) due to their mistreatment and disrespect of me when I just came in to pick up food for delivery. This restaurant may claim to have some of the best rotisserie chicken in the South Bay, but I don't pay money to get verbally abused.

Tales on the Courier Shift: Delivery #500 and Trapped With Rich People

It's another installment of tales on the courier shift! In this episode, I acquire cookies and ice cream. I'm also so liked by my customers that I just couldn't leave. And those stereotypical movie images of multiple exotic cars parked on the lot in front of a giant mansion? Yes, that's real.

These assignments were completed at the end of 2014 as I worked through the holiday season that year. It was a good diversion and very needed since I was still dealing with the loss of a dear friend who had suddenly passed away in early December that also resulted in a three-week hiatus in all freelance work. It was good to get the wind therapy.

Transcending Spanish: On lessons learned beyond foreign language.

In 1999, I embarked on an academic journey through the levels of Spanish offered at my high school. For all but one year of that journey, I had the same teacher. This particular person had a passion for the power of language, and his uncanny way of teaching this mandatory academic requirement still has me reminiscing about some of those moments in time, even 15 years later. I've written about many of those tales and they lie in the old archives of my written journals. However, beyond learning the ins and outs of Spanish grammar and sentence structures, what I really learned and still value are life lessons that transcend any language. So, I figure with the end of my 20s peeking around the corner, I'd share a few of these lessons as my thank you to him for being one of my most influential mentors.

Yep, I'm still out. And so is Eleanor. So who wants to teach me how to...dance?

What a summer...and it's not over yet.

After doing the same, planned cross-country ride to a specific destination every July since 2007 with Eleanor, circumstances kept me here in California through July to focus my attention on other things like my video and photography work and paying my bills. Both of these items are looking positive, and believe me, being able to pay the bills in this economy (with nothing but independent contractor work) is an accomplishment. As much as I wanted to get away, and as painful as it was to miss a yearly event that was very important to me, I know that my time will come again and things will be even better very soon.

Of course somewhere in between all this, a few extra bumps on the road come my way. My car decided to die on the CA-134 East freeway and is out of commission for a little while. That came exactly two weeks after I dropped Eleanor off for some long-awaited maintenance.

Long-awaited is right. Like I'm still waiting.

So here's the update on Eleanor as of this blog post. She's not done yet, and last Thursday (8/14) marks a month since I've dropped her off at the shop. Yes, that means I have not thrown my leg over a two-wheeled vehicle in a month in California, which in Christine speak is quite unusual.

I've spoken to the Service/General Manager and the Office Manager of the dealership, and they're in a major staffing shortage, quoted as being down to "2.5 techs" (two highly-certified techs and an MMI graduate) not to mention that the most senior tech assigned to my bike injured his knee the week I dropped her off, throwing everything else out of whack. The shop is doing what it can to get through the backlog of service and has turned away multiple customers until this is back under control. It's a crappy situation, but what has impressed me is that the shop owns this problem and is not beating around the bush or making excuses. It is what it is.

With that being said, I choose to make lemonade out of my lemons. I will continue to wait for Eleanor. Considering the circumstances, I probably should be quite pissed off. Not to say that I'm not annoyed to be missing the vehicle that contributes to half of my monthly income (and is my pride and joy), but as a person who has worked in the motorcycle industry in multiple dealerships, this is a situation I know all too well. Also, I'll still be riding in the dead of winter when everyone else has to put their motorcycles away, that one season that doesn't exist here.

So here's my point: If you're a motorcycle/watercraft tech or a salesperson who needs a job, Pacific Motorsports in Harbor City IS HIRING. Like now. Visit their website at http://www.pacificyamaha.com/ or call the store. Get hired, go wrench some bikes, kill the service backlog, and help me get Eleanor back on the road again. See where I went there? ;)

But yes, this kind of stuff rekindles my love-hate relationship with cars. Cars are useful, when one has to transport more than one extra passenger or hockey gear. I like cars, as long as other people's cars aren't blocking my way. Since my independent contractor jobs require travel, I'm usually sitting on [insert congested CA freeway here] in a borrowed, air-conditioned cage reaching for a nonexistent clutch while "Bailando" by Enrique Iglesias blares for the umpteenth time in an hour.

Sitting in a cage does give me too much time to think. I guess it's an advantage at this point in time since I'm so focused on the road when I'm on a motorcycle. I can dream a bit, wish a lot, and figure out what mental direction I'm headed in. I have to admit though, that song is pretty catchy, like I imagine myself being whisked across the floor to it. There we go. I should start a new hobby outside of motorcycles and hockey. How about dancing? That'll pass the time and get me outside of my work. Anyone interested in teaching me? Perhaps the footwork will help my goaltending game.

Steering wheel? What the hell is this? Where are my handlebars? I am so not in my element right now.

While I was out...

It's been a few nutty weeks, but I'm checking in to let you all know that I'm still alive. I'm currently working on a few video projects and photography gigs as an independent contractor as well as running around delivering goods on my motorcycle. In other words, I'm hustling for the dough with an unenviable, erratic schedule that I can barely keep up with. On a bright note, bills are being paid and some money is being squirreled away for the rainy days that I hope don't happen any time soon.

Just for kicks, here is some of the work I've been doing. It involves a children's performing arts camp here in the Los Angeles region. For being a summer gig, it's quite entertaining, and sometimes I think I'm having a little too much fun with the material that I'm capturing. Gotta do something with my abilities until the right opportunity comes around...

Days 8-10: Getting to Work on The Main Event - 27th WOW International Ride-In™

**This series of posts recap my two-week trip to Billings, MT and back from July 1-16, 2013. For the entire list of my featured rides, click here.**

So now I actually get to talk about the main reason I rode to Montana, not that hanging out with several of my good friends isn't a good reason in itself. (Thanks, y'all, by the way.)

Just for starters, here is a giant pancake topped with strawberries and cream from the Billings Hotel and Convention Center's main cafe that I enjoyed on that Monday before the Ride-In™ mayhem began.

A ceremonial pancake/waffle for me is important before starting any official WOW business. This stems back to the waffle machine at the Super 8 us WOW Board of Trustees members stay at in Lincoln, NE.

A strange time to be super busy...!

January was quite...busy? What happened here?

Unlike last year where I had way too much time at home to think about things (thanks to my former employer's desire to be more economical with my paycheck), this year I'm finding myself happily knee-deep in motorcycle industry-related work. As a result, I'm not churning away at my blog like I traditionally have been during this time of the year.

To add to the bonus, we've had a freakishly mild (and relatively snow-less) winter out here in central Ohio. Thanks to that and a surprise influx of customers anticipating good riding days, I've found myself working quite a bit more at the motorcycle store and planning/scheduling bike events for what seems to be a warp speed course to the spring "riding season." Ice-less days and temps over 30°F have reduced car usage this season to next to nothing so daily commuting on the motorcycle has remained relatively normal. If only every winter in Ohio was like this EVERY year...I might actually like living here.

This was definitely NOT what winter looks like in Ohio right now. It was raining right after this short snow dump. Seriously.

So yeah, I'm not completely gone from the radar!!! Mind you, there's quite a few motorcycle journeys slated for 2012 so stay tuned for that. Eleanor's aiming for 150,000 miles on the odometer for this year and she's well on her way to that goal. She and I have pulled off more than 3000 miles since November alone, which is far from my traditional California numbers but a lot more than what most "riders" in this area will achieve in the warmth of summer. I'll be throwing in more out-of-region food reviews and other random rants as well. I'll be able to, eventually, free up more time in the schedule to contribute to the online fodder of this blog.

Don't forget, you can always follow some of my misadventures on my "alternate channel," my Twitter feed @2wheeledtourist. That's updated anytime during the day or if I find something strange to share. You can also see my tweets to the right of this blog entry in the Twitter window.

I'm still here, just running around with a smile on my face. And my head on fire.