The long-standing scars of narcissistic behavior: a retrospect.

Every now and then, I'll come across a couple rough weeks, from a mental aspect. And these moments usually come when I'm gifted with lots of positive energy from good things that have happened in my life.

Sounds weird, doesn't it? You'd think that when positive moments happen around you, then everything around you feels good, inspiring, and empowering. But for someone who has been mentally abused and raised by narcissistic individuals who made sure you regretted all the good that you did, it's hard to accept that, you too can enjoy happy things. A lot of that comes from years of "gaslighting," lack of emotional support, and negative reinforcement among other toxic behaviors associated with narcissism.

[Note: If you need the definition of a narcissistic individual, click here. Please note that narcissism is not an actual condition, but many traits of this behavior lend itself to even more problematic issues.]

On why I can't talk to my mother (and tips on how to prevent your adult kids from shutting you out).

For more of a background story to this piece, click to read my blog post, "How to suck at parenting. Effing badly."

I didn't need to hear from my mother on the day before my 31st birthday.

Now hear me out, it's not often that I do hear from her (or from anyone else in my immediate family at that). Usually they'll call in the event of a tragedy or if a computer needs to be fixed, which I then ignore due to my work schedule. Most, if not all conversations aren't very positive after I see the dreaded number on my caller ID, and any sort of dialogue dissolves very quickly within a matter of minutes.

Venturing into Ventura: What a giant sand dune taught me about life and searching for love again.

I had originally drafted this piece as another showcase of the place I call home, but in the light of recent events, this blog entry has taken on an even greater meaning and a far deeper, soul-searching experience. I dedicate this one to an earned friend who helped me discover the light in my soul again. Thank you for everything.

Recently, I had the unique opportunity to take a day off my normal schedule and travel into Ventura County. It had been the first time that I had been that far north on Pacific Coast Highway since I had returned home to Southern California this past February.

In fact, had been so long since I had been up here that I had forgotten what that section of road looked like. But on the side of the highway, right past Malibu on the Los Angeles/Ventura County line, there is Great Sand Dune, a giant, naturally occurring sand dune that stretches hundreds of feet up a hill. It's a popular place for many beach goers to get a workout en route to a great view of the Pacific Ocean. Cardio junkies, you have been warned.

In my case, it was a destination that soon became my personal allegory for physical and emotional demands of a seeking a new relationship after the recovery from a long one that ended painfully. Normally, I don't delve into this topic here on Two-Wheeled Tourist, but seeing that it's not the first time that I've been wounded in battles pertaining to the heart, I give you a series of lessons that came from a recent eye-opening, healing adventure.

And you thought I was just going to talk about a giant mound of sand. That's not how I roll here.

Transcending Spanish: On lessons learned beyond foreign language.

In 1999, I embarked on an academic journey through the levels of Spanish offered at my high school. For all but one year of that journey, I had the same teacher. This particular person had a passion for the power of language, and his uncanny way of teaching this mandatory academic requirement still has me reminiscing about some of those moments in time, even 15 years later. I've written about many of those tales and they lie in the old archives of my written journals. However, beyond learning the ins and outs of Spanish grammar and sentence structures, what I really learned and still value are life lessons that transcend any language. So, I figure with the end of my 20s peeking around the corner, I'd share a few of these lessons as my thank you to him for being one of my most influential mentors.

Quick Thoughts: The Weather Perspective

Growing up in Southern California, I was very much used to the "curse" of the eternal summer.

It wasn't unusual to see sunny and 75 degrees for weeks on end. And in those occasional instances when it would rain, it was usually predicted far in advance to a point that it became an event to wait for the precipitation to fall. When that would happen, time just seemed to stand still, a mystic feeling would come over me as the world was being cleansed of the weeks of built up smog and grime on the roads. For just a few moments, I could sit back, watch the rain come down, and hide away for a while.

The rain carried a whole different aura during my time in the Midwest. When it poured, it was unpredictable and in most cases, relentless in its approach. It came in bursts and it disappeared as fast as it appeared. Us Californians consider the rain to be a major event. In my former life in Ohio, it was just another Tuesday. It was, drop by drop, annoyance and inconvenience. For me, it brought out a yearning for sunnier days, both in the weather and in the corners of my own mind.

It's been real, Ohio. You can go keep your winter.

Four and a half years in the Buckeye State have finally come to an end. I'm packed up and rolling out of here!

For real-time tracking of my whereabouts (if you are oh so curious), visit the "Where Am I?" section of this blog. It'll be a long drive, so feel free to send a few messages my way. The right side of this blog offers a couple methods of contacting me including a direct e-mail message and Google voicemail.

Below is the route I'm taking. Doing this in the middle of the winter and on a bit of a schedule doesn't offer many opportunities for recreation. No worries...more fun times are ahead.

How to un-suck the holiday season. Be the better person.

Frankly, the holidays can go bite my left ear.

Although my level of seasonal depression fluctuates from year to year, 2013 has reached an all-time high of super suck. Sure I may be having a good time for a couple days out of these several weeks, with the food, hugs, well-wishes, etc. But really, regardless of how much I'm involved, there comes a moment when I'm here sitting by myself in some state of loneliness wondering why everything had to crash down on me at once right before the holidays. Perfect timing, huh?

The 2013 Nerdy Christmas Wish List

Here on Two-Wheeled Tourist, I'm bringing back the annual "Nerdy Christmas Wish List." This is the first time it's appeared on this blog but it's been in other writings of mine on and off over the last decade.

This year, the Christmas season is going to be celebrated in a bit of a more unorthodox manner (my life's gotten a bit complicated as of late) so it's highly unlikely that I'll see anything under a Christmas tree, real or hypothetically, this year. And of course, being the geek and severe motorcyclist I am, my dream list is a bit pricey. But, it's a lot of fun to just dream about these things. Maybe someday when I don't have to decide between feeding my rats, feeding myself, paying the bills, or paying my rent, I can revisit these things again. Fortunately, fantasizing is free and is great for budget-desperate people. So here goes...

1. Portable Single-Sheet Document Scanner

This particular one by VuPoint catches my eye because it saves to a microSD card as well as run on batteries so it's great for those trips when you can't carry all those flyers, information sheets, business cards, and what-not home with you. Clutter sucks. Digitize as much as you can. Save the luggage for those random souvenirs. Check it out here.

Calendar says it's Spring, Ohio begs to differ.

The coming of Spring in Ohio, especially up here by Lake Erie, is as highly regarded an occasion as of the start of the OSU Buckeye football season. But unlike the football season in Ohio, I actually look forward to this event.

There seems to be a slight problem, though. It isn't here yet. I write this on Sunday, March 24, 2013 where it's 29°F in Eastlake and at the moment (thank goodness), no precipitation. These temps are extremely unusual this time of year, and it seems like we're going backwards. Hey Captain Picard, can you explain this snag in the space and time continuum?

My thoughts, exactly.

Just for your amusement, here are some shots of the first three days of Spring in nearby Mentor.

Work on Wednesday March 20, the first day of Spring.

Work on Thursday, March 21, the second day of Spring. Do we sense a pattern here?

Friday, March 22 required plow service. Are you kidding?

I shall ask the following questions now:

1. Who pissed off/lost a bet to/broke up with/trash talked/otherwise disrespected Mother Nature and turned her in to Mother F*cking Nature? Can you just say sorry now?

2. How much is the bounty on Punxsutawney Phil or Buckeye Chuck? I could use the money to purchase parts to build a new computer since I'll be sitting here instead of RIDING MY MOTORCYCLE!!!

There is a silver lining to these clouds, actually. For the first time in a while, my two-wheeled buddy Eleanor does get a few replacement parts and brand new tires that won't have to be taken care of mid-"season" (I still don't believe in riding seasons regardless of what the weather tells me). But believe me, as soon as this stuff thaws out, the tires are getting road scrubbed and I'm out. Stay warm for a bit longer, people.

My hockey coach once told me that if I shot any animal, I'd have to eat it. Does groundhog taste like chicken or pork? Just raise him up a little higher; I don't want to take out the bystanders.

Accepting the way the cookie crumbles...

Last week, I had the chance to participate in a Christmas activity for the first time in my life: festive cookie baking.

Now, I've baked mad stashes of cookies in the past, during various times of the year, but there's a charm to the special Christmas-only cookies that come with the season. Also, since I was staying in NE Ohio this weekend instead of making my weekly migration down to Columbus to see my husband, it gave me something to do that Saturday before he showed up.

M&M Candy Cookies and Butterballs! The powdered sugar on the Butterballs was all me.

What made this special was that I was creating treats from recipes that were several generations old, passed down from a grandmother who worked at a historical bakery in Cleveland and could whip up a dish regardless of what was in the pantry. Some additions have been made through the years, and as a guest I had the chance to indulge in a tradition with legendary concoctions that were many years in the making.

My first go at using a cookie press. I can say they came out quite well.

Preparing the Pinwheels for a trip through the oven.

The finished products! After posting this picture on Facebook, I was getting requests to send a number of these to California. Maybe I should quit my day job in December and just do this.